Anger - what is it and how to deal with it? How to subdue anger and why it is important to do it Anger destroys.

Anger is usually viewed negatively. The world is divided into good and evil. People are good and bad. Emotions are manifested in the form of kindness and anger. The reasons that anger is attributed to a negative quality are the experiences that a person experiences. That is why the destructive power of anger should be known how to get rid of it so that it does not harm a person.

However, on the site of psychological assistance, the site will try to consider anger not only from the negative side. Much depends on the person and the quality of the anger they experience. Anger can really be destructive. It harms not only the most evil person, but also those with whom he is angry. However, like any quality, it can be translated into a good power that will benefit a person.

In the pursuit of happiness, people often say that experiencing negative emotions and thinking negative thoughts is very harmful. Happiness in the understanding of many people is perceived as a kind of existence in which they only smile, rejoice and have fun. But just as a person cannot always be alert without constant sleep, so good emotions cannot be experienced without periodically changing them with unpleasant experiences.

The law “Without good you cannot know evil” does not apply here. The principle applies here: having blown off steam because of what is unpleasant and offensive, you can calm down and take up your happiness again. While you are internally angry, offended, dissatisfied, you don’t think about any happiness. A person sincerely experiences negative emotions, therefore it becomes quite natural for him only to dream of happiness during the period of experiencing unpleasant thoughts. But as soon as a person calms down, his mood returns to normal, then happiness becomes the goal towards which he begins to go.

A dream means only imagining what you want without taking any action to achieve it. A goal is an intention towards which a person goes by performing specific actions.

While you are angry and trying to overcome your own emotions, you are busy dreaming of happiness. It seems that by overcoming resentment and aggression, you will be able to find happiness. This is an erroneous opinion. Having overcome your negative emotions, you can just calm down. And fortunately, you still have to come. This happens when you are not fighting negative emotions, but are calm and implement a plan to achieve happiness.

To get rid of the bad, you need to survive it. To find good, you need to create it, create it. It is impossible, running away from one, to create another. Therefore, get angry and offended in order to be happy.

What is anger?

But back to the usual understanding of anger. What it is? Anger is a destructive emotion that eats a person from the inside. It arises due to dissatisfaction with some state of affairs, not doing things, inappropriate behavior of others, etc. In other words, anger is dissatisfaction with an accomplished event.

The reason for its appearance is pain, disappointment, resentment, frustration. Anger refers to a natural human reaction, which is noted in response to some event or phenomenon that occurred in the outside world.

Everyone has anger in varying degrees. Moreover, there are people who accumulate anger and only then explode, and there are those who immediately show their emotions. No matter how people want it, anger is inherent in absolutely everyone. However, its more violent manifestations can be found among children. Why is that? Are children worse than adults? The answer here is simple: adults have already learned to hide their anger, not to show it or to express it in more acceptable forms. Children still express anger in its purest form, that is, the way it is.

The degree of anger often depends on how angry the person is. It is measured on a scale ranging from mild annoyance to rage. Often this is influenced by how much pain a person has accumulated in himself until the moment of a surge of emotions.

In every problem situation, a person must learn his lesson. Thus, evil turns into good. And a person suffers because of his troubles, not because they happened to him, but because he misinterprets them.

Every person would like only those events to happen in his life that he interprets in a positive way. But life is not subject to human desires. It obeys only the laws of cause and effect. And in fact, nothing good or bad happens to a person. It all depends on how a person interprets the situations that happen to him.

Everything that pleases you, you perceive as good. Everything else that does not fit into your plans is interpreted as evil. But in fact, situations are not good or bad. In every situation, there is one important lesson that a person must learn - the reasons for which this situation occurred.

Pleasant situations do not teach people, because they believe that luck has happened to them. Unpleasant situations also do not teach people, because they try to brush them off, run away, ignore them. But in every situation, no matter how bad or good it may be, there is an important lesson - the reasons that provoked its occurrence. If each person analyzes for what reasons luck or trouble happened to him, then he will be able to make sure that only pleasant situations happen to him in the future.

Evil is often feared and not accepted. But this is just a misunderstood goodness. A person makes evil what he would not like to have, see, encounter. But as such, evil does not exist (as well as good). Only the person himself, by his attitude to what is happening, makes something evil or good.

Reasons for anger

To get rid of destructive anger, you need to know the reasons for its occurrence. Why does a person want to get rid of evil qualities? Because they force him to do things that harm others. And what of it? And the fact that a situation arises when society can reject an evil person. The fear of rejection makes people look for different ways to overcome their own anger, which is necessarily aimed at causing harm.

Scientists identify the following causes of anger:

• Headache.
• Increase in blood pressure.
• Skin diseases.
• Digestive problems.
• Various diseases that deprive a person of fully move and live.
• Tendency to criminal behavior.
• Loads of a physical or moral nature that are exhausting.
• Accumulation of dissatisfaction or resentment.

hidden anger

Adults, unlike children, try to hide their negative experiences, because they are afraid to take actions that will encourage others to turn away from them. It is better to worry silently than to express furiously, which will certainly lead to loneliness and misunderstanding. An adult knows what hidden anger is.

It is based on depression and stress, which sometimes accumulate over the years. Since a person tries not to express his anger in people, this emotion is directed at himself. The psyche needs to find the culprit in an unpleasant situation in order to direct all the energy of destruction to him. If a person justifies others, which hides his anger, then he is angry with himself.

Quite often, the consequence of hidden anger is suicide. This is how people show their anger. If the outburst of rage is not directed at other people, then it harms the person himself, pushing him to commit suicide.

Signs of hidden anger are:

1. Sadness.
2. Yearning.
3. Boredom.

Anger should not be confused with hatred - an emotion that manifests itself in the form of a hostile attitude towards someone or something. Anger is just a temporary reaction expressing dissatisfaction.

Anger and resentment

Sometimes anger and resentment are integral experiences. In human relations, it is not uncommon for one of the parties to be unhappy with something. Here it remains to choose: to get angry, hide aggression or suppress it.

The causes of resentment are:

• Futility of expectations.
• Conflict situation.
• Slander and unfounded reviews.
• Lack of praise for effort or work.
• Conflict of opinions.

Often people use resentment as a manipulation of others. If they are offended, then they are right, while others become guilty, which means they must correct the situation.

Why is it not possible to agree when the interlocutors understand that they have different opinions on the same issue? Why do people turn to shouting and insults when they cannot convince each other? These forms of communication are familiar to everyone. They are manifested not only in love relationships, but also in family, friendship, business. Wherever people cannot find a unanimous decision, a scandal arises. But why is this happening?

The interlocutors develop anger, aggression, resentment or other negative emotions that close them from the desire to hear the opinion of another and find a compromise solution. Some people consider their point of view to be the only correct one, and when they hear an opinion that contradicts their idea, they immediately take it with hostility. People want to be agreed with them, because this will once again confirm to them that they are right and think rationally. And any contradictory opinion is perceived negatively only because it seems to say: “No, you think wrong. It could still be different." This is where negative emotions come in.

Anger and resentment make you confront the interlocutor. You no longer listen in order to agree on something, but in order to say something opposite and unpleasant in response. “Turn off” resentment and anger at the interlocutor during the conversation in order to want to hear his point of view and try to negotiate.

Anger and resentment - opposition to the interlocutor. You no longer want to listen to what the other person is thinking. You simply seek to offend him, harm him, unbalance him. And here it doesn't matter what you say. It just may turn out that the interlocutor will listen and will no longer communicate with you. And it wasn't part of your plans. And it turns out that you yourself “dug a hole” with your own words under the influence of negative emotions. Therefore, get rid of anger and resentment in order to communicate with a person, and not argue with him.

Angry woman

Often anger is a quality of women. All this is explained by psychologists by the fact that women face troubles in the family, stress at work, conflict situations with strangers. If a woman cannot withstand emotional stress, then she breaks down at the first opportunity. A reinforcing factor that helps anger develop is a hormonal imbalance.

Psychologists advise women to pay attention to their health first of all. Strict diets provoke dissatisfaction in the form of an inability to fully eat and enjoy life. Violation of the hormonal background affects the mood of a woman. If this is the reason, then you need to make lifestyle changes to balance your hormones and make yourself physically happy.

Other ways to eliminate anger in a woman are meditation, relaxation exercises, as well as communication with girlfriends, shopping and consultations with a psychologist. It would be ideal if a woman can minimize the stresses she faces in life. Here it is necessary to speak frankly and agree with relatives that they help not to create. Otherwise, a woman should have many girlfriends or consult a psychologist in order to be able to speak out.

How to get rid of anger?

No one will help a person in getting rid of anger, except for himself. It is necessary to show a sincere desire to become more restrained and calm in order to contribute to the eradication of negative emotions. The following recommendations will help with this:

1. Talk to people, don't fight. The more you fight, the more angry you get.
2. Understand the causes of conflict situations in order to eliminate them or anticipate the emergence of new problems.
3. At the moment of growing anger, set yourself up in the right way:

• Start breathing calmly and relaxed.
• Treat the situation with humor.
• Connect with people who can understand and support you.
• Don't feel bad just because you're angry. Remember that anger is a natural human reaction.
• Take out your anger in acceptable ways. Beat the dishes, pillow, pear and other objects, destroy and break - this will allow you to splash out, and not accumulate anger.

1. Talk about your anger. The most constructive way is to speak up. Find people who can listen to you, support you, and even help you solve the problem.

Outcome

Anger is like a poison, in moderate doses and when used correctly, it is beneficial. But often people misperceive their evil emotions, and therefore do not know how to transform them into qualities that are useful for themselves, which lead to a positive outcome.

Either get rid of anger, or learn to manage it. Only in this case, it will not harm you and create conflict situations and problems.

Anger regulation is the process of learning about the signals that you are becoming irritated and taking actions that can calm you down, help you cope, and start thinking more positively. This does not mean that you have to suppress the anger or keep it to yourself. Feeling angry is a completely normal and natural emotion, unless you know other ways to respond to an event. Now, the science of anger regulation will help you manage your reactions in a different way.

Here, no one will convince you to hide or suppress anger, show other emotions instead, switch to something more positive, or ignore this feeling. This is the science of how to perceive everything that happens to us differently. For many people, anger attacks are completely uncontrollable, which can lead to very disastrous results. What will happen if you, say, suddenly break into a boss? Undeservedly yell at a child or spouse? If you restrain yourself every time you want to show violent discontent, it will accumulate until one fine day it breaks out in multiple volumes.

5 Anger Management Techniques That Will Help You Keep the Peace

This science will be useful to everyone, because sooner or later each of us experiences anger. You may want to improve the atmosphere that accompanies you personally on a daily basis by learning to cope with emotions, control them and respond differently to external stimuli.

Let's study together!

1. Analyze the consequences

First of all, focus not on what made you angry, but on what consequences an outburst of anger will entail. Are you upset by your child's behavior? Find a way to explain this fact to him in an accessible way. Do friends or family members say things that provoke aggression in you? Calm down and have a constructive dialogue, set clear boundaries for what is permitted.

Remember that uncontrolled anger can lead to more serious consequences. In fact, the consequences are almost always much more devastating. Take a deep breath, remember self-discipline and look for a more rational solution.

2. Forgive and (maybe) forget

Forgiveness is a rarity these days. Allowing anger and aggression to be present in us daily, we become more unhappy, worsen our own perception of life. Everything around begins to seem hostile and pessimistic.

If you can forgive someone for making you angry, do it without thinking. For you, this will be a good indicator that no one can shake your inner harmony, for others it will be a reason to respect you as a person who can adequately respond and remain calm and cool in any situation. These qualities, for example, are highly valued in any job.

Realizing that much of what we are offended by is actually meaningless trifles, we can learn to forgive and forget. Let go of the situation, take care of yourself and your mental health yourself.

3. Improve your ability to listen and hear

The ability to listen is extremely important for everyone who is in continuous contact with other people. When we know how to listen carefully, remember and not interrupt the interlocutor, this helps to build trust and respect for you, people love it when they are given the opportunity to speak.

By demonstrating to others your ability to listen, you show that you:

1) are not indifferent to what is happening;

2) the thoughts and emotions of the interlocutor matter to you;

3) you have at least basic empathy skills.

Sometimes the person who lashed out at you, provoking your anger back, just needed to be heard.

4. Practice relaxation techniques

The American Psychological Association considers the technique of deep breathing and visualization of soothing landscapes to be the most effective. Here are some tips for doing it:

1. You need to breathe deeply with the diaphragm. Breathing from the chest will not relax.
2. Repeat to yourself: “I am calm”, “I am not angry”, “everything is fine”. This self-hypnosis helps the brain reprogram responses to positive ones.
3. Recall images that reassure you personally. It can be a view of the ocean at sunset or a winter night landscape from the window - whatever you like.
4. Tension-releasing practices like yoga, tai chi or meditation can help you relax your muscles and let go of all negative thoughts.

5. Cognitive restructuring

One of the most effective methods This refers to the moment when you consciously change your thoughts, understanding what motivated the people who made you angry, or what caused the events that cause your outbursts of anger. For example, you ran into your favorite coffee shop before work to drink a cup of fragrant cappuccino. But suddenly, in front of you in line, the visitor begins to complain about poor-quality service, getting more and more excited. In another situation, you would start to get angry, realizing that the sunny morning mood has disappeared without a trace, that this cappuccino will no longer please you, and that, most likely, the scandal will drag on for a long time and you will be late for work. However, look at the situation from the other side: as a rule, only deeply unhappy people start scandals for any reason. Whatever happens in this visitor's life, being angry with him is absolutely useless. The most you can do is sympathize with him in your heart and smile when he passes by: what if you manage to cheer him up a little?

Learning to deal with anger will bring a lot of good things into your life. You will feel more cheerful yourself and wean yourself from being annoyed about and without others. We advise you to practice applying all these methods in practice. Good luck, and let peace be the basis of your life!

Article navigation "How to deal with anger. Part 1":

Anger is an important necessary emotion.

We are accustomed to share emotions into "negative" and "positive", into “positive” and “negative”, sometimes even into “necessary” and “unnecessary”. We tell ourselves “you can’t react like that,” “don’t be nervous,” “don’t worry,” and “don’t be angry.” We want to be blissful, harmonious and calm in all situations of our life.

And when it doesn't work out (and it always doesn't work out), we feel like there's something wrong with us. That a "normal person" wouldn't react like that. Sometimes we hear the same statements about ourselves and from other people: close, and not so. And then we begin to get angry not only at situations, but also at ourselves for being angry, and at other people who point out to us our “imperfection”.

What do we mean when we call emotions "negative"? We mean that it would be better if there were no such emotions at all. There are many excellent articles and materials that "rehabilitate" "negative" emotions. They reveal to us the mechanism and functions of emotions and remind us that since evolution has preserved and developed emotional reactions in us, then all of them are necessary and useful.

However, evolutionally, our brain practically does not differ from the brain of a Stone Age man, and the world around us has changed a lot. Therefore, the necessary and useful emotional reactions may sometimes be inadequate to what is happening, and their style of expression may not contribute to our effective life. And then we are dealing with disorders of the regulation of anger, which will be discussed.

We view anger as an innate emotional response, an evolutionary pattern, one of the basic emotions necessary to protect our interests and our lives. Anger signal: “Your rights/needs/life/property are at stake. Stand up for them. Don't let them be taken away."

Genetically and biologically, we are all different in terms of the threshold and strength of the reaction of anger. However, the perception and expression of anger is a social pattern that we acquire in the course of upbringing in the family, the influence of culture, experience, etc. And it is the ways of expressing anger that can create problems for us in life, and not the emotion of anger itself.

And in order to answer the question "", it is necessary to consider why we express anger in ways that lead to problematic consequences in our lives.

Let's remind ourselves of the functions of anger:

• Communicative: perceives the appearance of an “enemy” that threatens us or our “world” and mobilizes us to fight against the threat and for victory
• Communicative: informs the object that threatens us of our strength and determination to stand up for our needs
• Activating and protective: mobilizes the body to fight, gives energy, strength to protect
• Activating and protective: mobilizes the mind to focus on threat and fight - gives speed and courage in reactions, reduces sensitivity to pain (by releasing endorphins to make it easier to beat), reduces anxiety and reduces empathy for others (to make it easier to attack)

Anger, adequate to the situation and expressed in an adequate way, can lead to improvement of the situation and to calmness. Anger that is too little or too much, expressed in an inappropriate way, usually leads to problematic outcomes.

What does "appropriate" mean in this context? That the level of anger, its intensity and your behavior are as close as possible to the reality of threat and danger.

For example, if in response to the fact that someone went out of line at the checkout in a supermarket, you make a scandal with beating the offender, or silently restrain your anger, and splash it out on your relatives at home, or argue with yourself for half the night how to If it were to answer him and what kind of people are ill-mannered, and the world is unfair - then this level, intensity and behavior are inadequate to the real threat.

A little anger at people chatting in a movie theater can help us call for silence. Anger at a disrespectful attitude on the part of the seller - to help get a better service. Moderate anger at unfair treatment from colleagues will help you defend your boundaries and not do the work for everyone, or ask for a raise in salary. Being very angry at the bully can help protect yourself (although I personally choose to run 🙂).

Problems start when anger is too frequent, too inappropriate, and expressed in a maladaptive way. Moreover, this method can be both aggressive, directed at others, and hidden, directed inward (unconscious anger).

As with many other emotional reactions, when discussing anger, we encounter some confusion of concepts, mixing cognitive (mental), emotional, bodily and behavioral components of anger. Therefore, I propose to establish the terms that we will use further.

• Anger is an emotion that ranges in intensity from mild to severe.
• Irritation is what we call mild anger
• Rage - this is how we call the extreme degree of the spectrum of emotion of anger

There are many synonyms in the language that describe the spectrum of anger and the behavior it leads to. You can create your own anger dictionary.

• Dislike is a persistent perception of someone as an enemy (that is, it is a mental component: “I consider someone an enemy”). It is accompanied by an unfriendly attitude, appropriate behavior, an aggressive expression of anger.
• Hatred is the extreme end of the spectrum of hostility, with a strong desire to harm the enemy.
• Aggression is a behavior that is aimed at causing harm (it can be impulsive, that is, against the background of the emotion of anger; it can be instrumental, thoughtful, in order to achieve a goal). Aggression can be: verbal, physical, direct, indirect, active, passive, hidden, overt. Aggression is not "bad" or "good" - in this case, we again emphasize the adequacy of our behavior to the reality of the threat.
• Assertive ("confident") behavior- benevolent, but persistent upholding of one's own needs and rights.

We talk about problems with anger regulation when anger (and ways of expressing it):

• “gets out of control” and no longer serves us and does not lead to the satisfaction of our needs
• is too strong, or too frequent, or lasts too long
• does not correspond to the real threat
• harms us or others
• interferes with thinking and solving problems
• affects the quality of life

If a person does not control his anger, but is influenced by it, and this reaction is typical in many situations, strong, long-term and does not lead to effective problem solving, or affects interpersonal communication, then we can talk about anger regulation disorder.

Anger regulation disorders do not appear out of nowhere. Like any other disorder, they are due to the factors of a person's propensity for a particular psychological problem. The propensity factors are biological (congenital and acquired) and psychological (negative experience in the past, which led to a certain understanding of oneself, the world, the people around).

People with a mobile, unbalanced, strong nervous system (choleric temperament) are more likely to express anger in an expressive, strong manner: such people quickly light up and “explode”. People with a weak, sensitive, uneven system will be more likely to hold onto anger, not allow it to manifest.

Anger is one of the first two emotions that emerged as a result of evolution. It enters the stress response called "fight or flight". This reaction is triggered in a part of the brain called the amygdala. This part is fully formed in the eighth month of pregnancy, so we say that this is an innate emotion.

However, given that the human brain is formed in the process of education, the behavior patterns of other people have a great influence on the manifestation and expression of anger.

The experience of infringement, neglect, oppression, ridicule, both from loved ones and from peers, is also a propensity factor for anger regulation disorders.

If in the family or in the environment of upbringing the child saw problematic ways of expressing anger, then he could take them as an example of expressing anger and a way to get his way, in which case we have modeling, or learning, the problematic manifestation of this emotion, and subsequently the person may begin to think About, .

If, as a result of a life history, a person has formed:

then all these beliefs he has about himself and about other people may be prone to anger regulation disorders.

Today we talked about how to deal with anger. We will talk about the role of cognitive (mental), bodily and behavioral processes in experiencing and expressing anger, as well as how we fall into the trap of anger, in the second part of the article: How to get rid of anger. Part 2".

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Anger is a very ancient emotion. All animals periodically experience dissatisfaction if their basic needs are threatened. For a person, anger is one of the basic experiences. It is generally accepted that there are only four of them: fear, sadness, rage and joy. Recently, more surprises have been added to this list.

And although we all get angry, it is customary to condemn such behavior: unlike joy, this emotion is considered “negative” and “unpleasant”, and many would like to never experience it in principle. We figure out why we should not do this, why we need anger and how to express it so that it does not leave destruction in its wake.

Anger, hatred, malice

In the formation of rage in the human brain, the amygdala, or amygdala, is actively involved (by the way, the centers responsible for fear are also located in them). The amygdala responds to threat cues from the outside world, so by nature's design, that's what anger is for—it's an emotion-weapon. Unlike fear, it motivates us to defend ourselves by attacking, and from the fight-or-flight dilemma, choose the first option.

In an angry person, the level of adrenaline and noradrenaline rises in the blood, the heartbeat quickens (which is why we sometimes blush when angry), the blood supply to the muscles increases (so that we can fight). You may notice that if you are angry, your whole body tenses up. Facial expressions are also changing: for many, the wings of the nose swell and the upper lip tightens - hello to the bestial grin.

In general, anger is a defensive reaction. The ability to restrain its manifestations is necessary for us for social adaptation. All animals living in groups can tame outbursts of rage to one degree or another - otherwise they simply could not exist in a team. But man went further than anyone in this idea. Since rage is a manifestation of our "animal" nature, it is frightening, and its physical manifestations can be destructive, our culture has gradually imposed a taboo not only on the manifestation of aggression, but also on the mention of this emotion, and even on the feeling itself in all its varieties: anger, hatred, envy, malevolence, desire for revenge. So the constructive idea of ​​not throwing fists at the offender and not breaking furniture turned into a toxic thought: it is believed that even feeling angry is bad.

Such ideas can be found in religious communities, among people who are fond of Eastern philosophy, and simply in work groups. In many families it is forbidden to express anger towards parents in any form, even verbal. Sometimes it is broadcast directly: “You can’t be mad at mom!” Often the “appropriateness” of anger is ranked depending on the hierarchy in the family: for example, children should not be angry at all, dad can be a little angry, and mom can do it because she is “very tired” (or vice versa: mom can only sometimes, and dad is free to shows anger).

"It is immoral"

Why are these ideas toxic? It is impossible to stop experiencing anger at the physiological and biochemical level. And you don't need to. Emotions cannot be "bad" and "good"; our emotional system is, in a sense, just a complex organ of perception, like hearing, sight, or touch. Wanting to stop experiencing a certain feeling is like wanting to lose your hearing or sight by force of will.

A person who pretends not to be angry must create a false identity that is very different from himself. But since anger still “leaks” when someone violates boundaries or otherwise threatens a person’s safety, anger can take distorted forms: turn into arrogant “pity”, contempt, and the like. A person who cannot admit that something caused him an attack of anger tries to rationalize aggression and bring some principles under it: moral, scientific, ethical. That is, when it is impossible to simply admit that “this infuriates me”, one has to say that this or that (generally neutral) act or phenomenon is totally unacceptable: “This undermines the foundations of society”, “This is immoral”, “This is unnatural”.

When a person is forced to deny anger even
at the level of internal sensations, this leads either to the fact that he turns anger on himself, or to the fact that he passively shows aggression

Enormous energy is required to maintain this complex system of props. In addition, denying and suppressing anger disorients us: anger is a signal that someone or something is violating our boundaries, threatening our emotional or physical security, our place in a group, identity, and so on. Having lost such an important “red flag”, we find ourselves much more defenseless.

The denial of anger greatly spoils relationships with people: anger helps to identify that the way another behaves is unpleasant or unacceptable for us, and, perhaps, to regulate this situation. But when a person is forced to deny anger even at the level of internal sensations, this leads either to the fact that he turns anger on himself, or to the fact that he passively shows aggression. This, in turn, increases the anger and forces more and more to deny and repress the emotion.

Fear of strong feelings arises when people do not share an emotion and its immediate expression. Anger is perhaps one of the most powerful feelings - that's why it has a particularly strong taboo. So, a psychologist in response to the suggestion “to try to feel your anger and displeasure in contact with people” may hear from the client: “So what do I do now, beat everyone in the face?” This is just an example of how a person does not distinguish between feeling and reaction.

This inseparability of emotions and immediate reactions to them in psychotherapy is called "reacting." In this case, a person does not have the strength or mental structures to keep the feeling inside himself, to transform it somewhat, and only then choose the reaction that will be appropriate. Instead, he immediately vents his anger - and not always in a direct way. For many, the taboo against aggression against other people is so strong that anger at them turns into self-hatred and is expressed, for example, in self-harm or risky behavior.

Another example of immediate indirect expression of anger is passive aggression. This phenomenon got its name in the forties of the last century - its roots are precisely in the attitude that anger is absolutely unacceptable. Passive aggression allows us not to express it directly, but to make the other person feel bad, eventually get angry with us and, perhaps, save us from his presence or from things that we don’t want to do. These are indirect manifestations of anger: spreading rumors behind your back, rolling your eyes, various “double messages” when a person voices contradictory requests or phrases, or says one thing with words, and the opposite with facial expressions; as well as various sabotage - forgetting, delay, regular delays.

Permission to feel

Why is it good to be in touch with your anger? As we said above, just because you are not aware of anger does not mean that you are not angry. Rather, the opposite is true: because you are not aware of your feelings, you lose the ability to control how they manifest. And people who do not feel their anger have a worse understanding of themselves, their needs, desires and limitations. To understand what we like, we need to be able to distinguish between what we don’t like at all. Any online debate is a great platform to see how people are struggling with poorly understood aggression. From a simple reaction - to offend another person, to go personal, to express yourself strongly - to more subtle ones - to devalue something important to others, to make a cynical remark, to troll.

Many in this case, the question arises: is it possible to express anger ethically? Yes it is possible. The first step towards sustainable and civilized expression of anger is to allow yourself to be angry. This does not mean that you should allow yourself uncontrollable outbursts of aggression - it is about allowing yourself to feel anger at the level of emotions, inside. By the way, even this step sometimes takes years of psychotherapy. In our society, the ideas of sacredness are very strong: for example, one cannot be angry with parents, especially with a mother, because she is holy, with people of the older generation, with the dead and the dead, in some communities it is considered unacceptable to be angry with authoritative people: teachers, teachers, bosses. Allowing yourself to experience any feelings is a huge step.

Anger is often personal. Even when a person claims to hate a certain group of people, most often they were angered by someone very specific, with similar or similar characteristics.

It is important to understand what exactly caused the anger. The subject of aggression is often displaced, and you will have to ask yourself the question many times: “What makes me angry about this? What and who am I really angry at?” to find the final answer. Anger is often personal. Even when a person claims to hate a certain group of people, most often they are angered by someone very specific, with similar or similar characteristics.

For example, a childfree woman who claims to hate “children” can thus express anger at her mother (who undoubtedly has a child) and at the rest of the family. And a woman on a motherhood forum expressing anger at “uncommitted and irresponsible childfree” may actually be angry at her husband, who does not share the burden of raising a child with her and really behaves as if he was free from obligations.

These first two steps, which are not related to the expression of anger itself, are the most difficult. When the real object of anger is found, the question arises of what to do - but rather not with anger, but with violation of boundaries, threat or discomfort, which, as we remember, generate anger as a defensive reaction. When anger is situational and the environment is generally safe, a good option is to tell the addressee about your anger or that some behavior is unacceptable using “ I-messages" (that is, talk about your own feelings and wishes, trying not to slip into direct accusations and insults). In a situation where voicing anger is not safe, it is better to try to leave the problem area, whether it be a party with unpleasant people or a company where employees are mistreated. Finally, the most difficult option is anger, which now and then arises in close relationships in response to certain actions of a partner, relative, or child. Couples or individual therapy can help here: the fact that the reaction occurs regularly may indicate some more complex problem situation.

In any case, remember: the idea that anger is a “bad” emotion that needs to be got rid of as soon as possible is hopelessly outdated. Listen to yourself and your feelings - perhaps it is anger that will become the impetus that will help you understand what situations in your life you should pay attention to and where changes are needed.

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Anger refers to a strong, destructive emotion that is thought to be caused by a severe upset or pain. Anger is a normal human reaction that can range from mild annoyance to outright rage. This emotion destroys a person from the inside. This feeling is the result of expressing any dissatisfaction: one's expectations, desires or actions. The main problem lies in the fact that dissatisfaction tends to accumulate. And when dissatisfaction reaches large volumes, they turn into and break out with destructive force.

Anger is considered a negative function, but it also has a protective function. Anger is cheerfulness with a negative sign, since it is one of the few feelings that takes energy from the air and creates goals. All people experience anger, but sometimes they prefer not to notice it, suppressing it, and then relationships with loved ones turn into insipid ones, since it is difficult to show positive emotions due to hidden anger.

Anger causes

The cause can be various diseases. Chronic anger has been linked to high blood pressure, skin conditions, headaches, and digestive problems. However, this emotion is associated with some personal problems: crimes, physical or emotional attacks, expression.

Many things are done out of anger, which people later regret later. One of the reasons people suppress anger is the fear of rejection. If a person is angry, then the likelihood increases that he will be rejected by those people at whom the emotion is directed. And this rejection very often for a person is stronger than any other fear.

hidden anger

How to let go of anger? First of all, it is necessary to normalize the hormonal background. Hormones play an important role in the life of any person, especially women. Violation of the level of hormones in the female body leads to a bad mood, the manifestation of dissatisfaction, weakness, weight gain, fatigue and, ultimately, the manifestation of anger.

External signs are also noted due to a violation of the level of hormones in a woman. This is dullness, brittle hair; dryness and peeling of the skin, brittle nails, menstrual irregularities, disruption of the gastrointestinal tract, and memory loss. A woman in such a period is marked by irritability and depression.

If you have noticed all of the above signs in yourself, then in order to let go of anger, you should normalize the hormonal background. Disturbances in the level of hormones are determined after certain tests. If necessary, the endocrinologist prescribes drugs that normalize the hormonal background of a woman. This process is accelerated by the following actions: proper nutrition, adherence to the daily regimen, exposure to fresh air, mandatory physical activity, elimination of bad habits. Be sure to include seafood, fruits (persimmons, bananas), garlic, eggplant, spinach in your diet. Eat a sufficient amount of animal protein, do not forget about oil (olive, linseed, sesame).

To produce serotonin, you need to eat cheese, dark chocolate, beans, eggs, lentils, tomatoes. Make it a rule that raw vegetables and fruits should always be in your diet. Good rest is required at night, and during the day moderate physical activity (yoga, running, swimming, fitness, dancing) is necessary. Cut down on coffee and avoid alcohol altogether. Choose with a therapist the multivitamins and trace elements necessary for you.

Constant anger and irritation is removed by listening to meditations. According to adherents, regular classes balance the psyche, relieve tension, aggression and bouts of anger. If irritation does not occur due to a disease, then it is possible to cope with this condition by avoiding contact with an irritating object, as well as eliminating irritants. An integrated approach will certainly help to control the emotionality of a woman.

How to get rid of anger

Stop lashing out at your loved ones. This is difficult to learn, but every time you are overcome by bouts of anger, imagine the state that comes after - annoyance and shame for having unreasonably offended relatives. Tell the people around you what you don't like about them and what exactly is annoying. At the same time, it is important to speak not in a demonstrative form, but in a soft one.

After analyzing the situations that annoy you, take all possible measures to eliminate these problems. Learn to relax. Meditative techniques will strengthen health, balance a shaky psyche, a person will become resistant to stress. If your condition is provoked by work colleagues, then run after work to fitness, to the gym and release evil there, get rid of negative emotions. Yoga removes very well accumulated aggressiveness during the day, training patience, lowering anxiety and calming.

How to control anger? At the first manifestations, try to breathe deeply, thereby calming yourself, talk to yourself and stop all evil thoughts. At the same time, breathe slowly, deeply, repeating the words “calm down”, “relax”, “everything will be fine” several times. Be sure to talk to other people who will support you. Look at everything that happens from the other side, be in the role of the person with whom you are angry.

Treat everything with humor, making fun of yourself. Learn to listen. Learning to listen will improve communication as well as build trust, which will help you deal with hostile emotions and thoughts. Always express your thoughts in a constructive, calm manner. Most importantly, remember that we are neither good nor bad, we are with our own strengths and weaknesses. Accept yourself for who you are, it is impossible to please everyone. And although it is better for health to let out anger than to keep it inside, it is also necessary to be able to do this. Frequent outbursts of rage will only destroy and spoil relationships with other people.

Attacks of anger and anger harm the cardiovascular system, create a stressful situation, exacerbate the problem. To prevent this from happening, express yourself through perseverance and perseverance, this is the best way to solve any problem.

How to get rid of anger? You can explicitly express it: beat dishes, tear paper, make trouble, fight. This behavior is sometimes not always appropriate, but effective. In some way you attack the aggressor.

There are other ways to get rid of anger. It's talking about her. By talking about it, you express it in such a way and do not suppress it. This way of expressing anger is referred to as constructive ways, since a person speaks about himself, about his needs, about his feelings, without attacking. Suffocating or suppressing angry emotions in yourself as if nothing is happening is not recommended, because in this state anger will overwhelm you.

How to deal with anger? If you can’t control this feeling, and it interferes with your life, then you need to contact a psychologist who will develop methods and techniques to help deal with uncontrolled bouts of rage and anger.

There is a cure for anger, because there is always some need hiding behind this feeling. If you have this state, then immediately ask yourself the question: “what exactly do I want at this moment?”. If they are angry with you, ask the person “what exactly do you want when you are angry?”. Identification of needs against the background of anger immediately neutralizes the manifestation of this feeling.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"