I decided to disprove the myths about latecomers and explain why I can never and never be on time. Punctuality: Why Am I Always Late? The person who is always late

You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.

It's frustrating to deal with someone who is constantly late, especially if it's your friend, family member, or worker. You may think that if you can do everything on time, then others should be able to do the same. However, anger or passive-aggressive behavior will not solve the problem. To deal with your always late friends or employees, talk frankly with them, set limits, or allocate your own time differently.

Steps

Finding an instant solution

Make plans that do not depend on this person. If you're throwing a birthday party, don't have him bring the cake. If you need a ride somewhere, ask another, more punctual person.

Give him an early appointment. If you need a person to arrive somewhere at 6:00 pm, and he is usually more than two hours late, tell him to be there by 4:00 pm. Keep in mind that if he actually arrives at 4:00 pm, he will be offended that you misled him.

If he is offended, explain your reasons for setting an early time. Say that it was impossible to be late for this event, and you were afraid that he would not come on time.

Give help if he needs it. If this person is late due to physical limitations, age, or small children, do not scold or punish them. It is better to come to the rescue so that he can appear on time. Offer to give him a lift if possible.

Let things go when you can. Sometimes you don't have to be on time. Who cares if you're 30 minutes late to a party? And what if you came to the beach a little later than expected. Prioritize if you have a flexible schedule.

Use your waiting time to your advantage. The late person may be someone you have to wait for, such as your boss. Find something to do with your time so you don't have to worry about being late. Send emails, read a book, or do whatever you want.

Use the extra time to relax. If you're always waiting for your spouse to get ready but aren't in a rush, use this time to do something for yourself. Watch a show you follow, read a magazine, or call a friend and chat with them.

Voice your concerns. Let him know how you feel about his being late. Say that you value your time and often notice that you have to wait for this person. Ask if he can be on time in the future or let you know ahead of time if he is late.
- Say, “When you're late for these activities, it really upsets me. When we go to the cinema or to a performance, we never see the whole action, and this is not fair. Can you work on being on time in the future?”
Listen and make exceptions if necessary. Focus fully on this conversation. Don't be distracted by your phone or computer. Perhaps your co-worker or friend is having difficulties at home that affect their sleep and affect their lateness to work or events. If this is your employee, then if necessary, make a short-term schedule to which the person can adapt.
- For example, you can let him come later and stay after the shift. Give him a two-week limit for this schedule so other employees don't get jealous.

Systematic work

Set a timeout limit. You may have waited an hour or more in the past to meet this person. Let him know that from now on you will wait no more than thirty minutes. Stick to your rule and go home or invite someone else if you have tickets to some event.

Be an example of punctuality. If you're working to encourage your employees or friends to be punctual, be sure to always be on time yourself. Arrive 10 to 15 minutes early if possible. If you are regularly late, it will also be harder for others to arrive on time.

Set the consequences. If a person is late for no particular reason, or if they continue to be late after you've given them a chance to improve, start taking action. In the case of employees, next time you can reprimand for being late and warn that more than three reprimands can lead to dismissal.
- In the case of friends, you can refuse to go with them to those events where it is undesirable to be late, for example, to concerts or films.
Try a less direct approach. Talking to someone who is constantly late and setting limits with the ensuing consequences doesn't always work. Here are other approaches:
- Let your friend know the start time earlier than everyone else. For example, if you're throwing a party, give a friend a special invitation with a start time 15-30 minutes earlier than everyone else.
- Do not invite a friend to events where you should not be late. Go to events where time doesn't matter.
- Don't do anything. Another option is to simply let your friend be late and deal with the consequences yourself. For example, if you're hosting a dinner party and your friend is running late, he or she might be embarrassed by the fact that everyone is already there and almost finished eating.
Show appreciation when the person arrives on time. When he receives constructive feedback from you, tell him that you are grateful. Show him that you noticed his punctuality.

Have you ever been late? To work, to a meeting, to a date ...

10 - 15 minutes? .. Admit it.

Well, yes, with whom it does not happen. The alarm clock did not work, the phone call was delayed before leaving the house, the transport failed ... Of course, it can happen to anyone. And this is completely understandable and natural.

However, some are always late. They cause a lot of trouble both to others and to themselves. At the same time, no suggestions, reproaches, threats, ending with the oath promises of the offender that "this will not happen again," do not help. And the next time everything repeats exactly: being late - punishment - a promise ... Does it remind you of anything?

And if you replace "lateness" with "drinking"? Exactly! It is very similar to Berne's game of Alcoholic, based in turn on the psychodramatic triangle: Victim - Persecutor - Rescuer. That is, in our case, the Victim turns out to be a late, evil boss (and / or condemning colleagues) - the Persecutors, and good colleagues (friends / acquaintances) comforting the delinquent “for a good reason” - the Rescuers.

“Oh, how poor and unfortunate I am! How difficult my life is! But I carry my cross and will continue to carry it! .. ”- our suffering hero can exclaim with pleasure after being late and the punishment that follows him.

Thus, the palm in our classification of the causes of systematic delays can be safely given to

1. Subconscious need for punishment.

The first group includes people who are in the position of the Victim, hidden masochists. From childhood, they brought the experience of such building relationships with other people. The monologue of the subconscious mind here could be presented approximately in the following way: “I don’t know how to get love / recognition / attention / sympathy otherwise. Only when I behave badly, “they” swear at me, shout, beat me - this is how they express their love / indifference to me ... ”.

And now an adult person, as a rule, completely unaware of the designated part of his “I”, and certainly not connecting it with being late, continues to realize his need for punishment, always and everywhere being late.

The second reason for being late is in many ways similar to the first -

2. Need for attention.

The mechanism of formation of this need in childhood is similar to that described above. This group of individuals differs in that it is the attention of others that is their goal. The motive for such behavior can be increased demonstrativeness, and the absence (or lack) of recognition by relatives, and loneliness. This kind of motivated is not particularly important sign received from the outside attention. Plus or minus is not the point. The main thing is that "I was noticed, I was in the center of everyone's attention, I get my 15 minutes of fame, they talk about me, they discuss me, they are interested in me ...".

The next reason for being late, somewhat similar to the previous one, is

3. The need for recognition.

Here we are talking about people who are so convinced of their own uniqueness and value that they require society to fully recognize this. By their behavior, in particular, by being late, the representatives of this group seem to say: “I am special, I need special conditions, not the same as others, I deserve more than others ...”.

Often, in the end, they achieve their goal, by stubborn delays winning for themselves the “right” to special conditions. True, if in the circle of friends and acquaintances they simply wave their hand at such a person (knowing for sure that he never arrives anywhere on time), then in the service they risk being marked by their superiors ... a severe reprimand or dismissal.

Speaking of risk. Another reason for systematic delays can be called

4. The need for risk.

This group includes the so-called unconscious "adrenaline junkies". The "unconscious" because the "conscious" climb mountains, skydive, take part in rallies, and so on and so forth. Or choose a professional activity associated with danger. That is, they consciously realize their thirst for risk.

The one who only vaguely feels such a thirst, but does not allow himself to realize and fulfill it, dares, so to speak, on safer ground. For example, calculating their movements back to back, without laying even the minimum backlash of time for possible unforeseen circumstances. Under such conditions, delays are inevitable.

If a person is late only for work, and in private life he is quite punctual, it is obvious that something in the service does not suit him much.

Then regular delays mean

5. Passive protest or desire to quit.

Suppose an employee does not like some of his working conditions, or - relations with management in a number of aspects. But for some reason he does not want to discuss it directly, to enter into an open dialogue. And this “disease” results in constant being late for the workplace.

The same picture can be observed in a person who is forced to go to an unloved (or even hated) job. It's scary, too lazy or impossible to change it now. But going to it every day is so morally and psychologically difficult that the body requires at least some kind of delay. Hence the regular delays.

All five groups have one thing in common. The people included in them have chosen a generally passive life position. The position of a person who is not able to express his needs; speak frankly about what suits him and what does not; not able to unequivocally and unambiguously declare their feelings. They hesitate to act actively to change what they do not like, often waiting for the problems to resolve themselves. In short, they are not ready to take responsibility for the situation.

However, we draw your attention to the fact that the above five reasons are of a subconscious nature. And delays here are not in the nature of purposeful wrecking - they are the result of a deeply hidden psychological need of the individual. Thus, remarks, accusations and even reprimands are hardly able to seriously improve the state of affairs. Influencing these people, most likely, is possible only indirectly. So, psychocorrection gives good results.

However, there are also deliberate delays. Let us briefly list their reasons.

6. "Star fever".

A person deliberately arrives everywhere later than the appointed time, because he carries himself “to the masses” with an absolute conviction - “I am a star!”. “It is not good for a star to come on time. This is nonsense! The people must know their heroes. And if you still didn’t know, then you’ll find out by being late and significant appearance. The origins of such behavior are similar to those described in paragraphs Nos. 1 and 2. But here excessive conceit, arrogance, snobbery, etc. are mixed in with the need for attention.

The last two reasons can be considered as a signal of the presence of an explicit or hidden conflict - in relationships between people or intrapersonal.

7. "Strike", or active protest.

This group echoes #5 (passive protest…). The difference is that a person who is not satisfied with something in a relationship purposefully uses being late as a measure of influence on his opponent - unable or not daring to agree with him in a good way.

8. Competition.

For example, feeling inner dissatisfaction with his official position, an employee defiantly comes to work later, competing with his superiors in such an “original” way. Like, "I will come, not at what time you told me, but when I myself see fit."

Often this happens if a person has long since grown out of his current position, but does not dare to talk with management about a promotion / is afraid to take a higher position / does not dare to leave and look for another job.

It would be useful for such a "fighter" to ask himself the question: "What and why are we measuring?" It would make sense to sort out your professional ambitions, consider career prospects and, in the end, make an adult decision. Since, generally speaking, being late “to spite the authorities” is very similar to the statement of a 5-year-old child in response to the parents’ remark: “I will pee and poop in my pants!”

By virtue of their meaningfulness, conscious delays are easier to correct through administrative measures of influence. However, they are also based on psychological factors. Therefore, working with a psychologist will also help to remove the problem.

With the sincere participation of the client, of course.

Everyone knows these people: a colleague who misses deadlines every time, a nanny who doesn’t arrive on time, or a journalist who doesn’t have time to write an article by the deadline, referring to his “special” method. And even when there are several hours left before the scheduled dinner, these people still need to be reminded to come half an hour earlier.

Few things are as annoying as being late. You nervously glance at your watch and mentally sort through the appropriate adjectives for the person you are waiting for. However, it is highly unlikely that he is simply selfish.

If you try to understand the psychology of being late, you will find a consciousness in which something seems to be broken. But there is something more here, and the problem cannot be solved at once.
You need to understand what underlies this behavior.

Those who are often late are not lazy

Non-punctual people tend to be perceived in a negative light. They can easily be called disorganized, ignorant, or little concerned about the interests of others. But many of them are still organized at least in some way and want to please friends, relatives and superiors. People who struggle with punctuality are most often aware of this and feel extremely uncomfortable about the negative impact their actions have on relationships, reputations, careers, and financial well-being.

Apologies, apologies

There are also good reasons, force majeure or illness, for example. But other explanations are not so easily accepted.

Some experts believe that this is the cost of the fact that in today's world people care about more important issues than time management, they have to achieve maximum results under pressure; or the biological clock is set in a certain way (owl, lark).

Lateness can occur through no fault of a person, it can simply be his nature, character traits that are difficult to change. Researchers believe that non-punctual people tend to have such traits as excessive optimism, low levels of self-control, anxiety, and, at the same time, the desire for thrills. The probability that such a person will come at the wrong time is almost in his subconscious.

Personal characteristics can also determine how a person keeps track of time. In this regard, psychologists divide people into two types: the first includes ambitious, those who love competition, the fight, the second - creative and more prone to reflection.

A 2001 study by researchers in San Diego found that everyone tracks time differently.

During the study, participants were asked to try to determine - without a stopwatch - how long one minute lasts. Most representatives of the first type completed the countdown of the minute at around the 58th second. For people of the second type, a minute lasted an average of 77 seconds.

You are your worst enemy

Latecomers have a strange tendency to lose, Tim Urban said in a 2015 TED conference. He calls himself a late person, and for other fans to come at the wrong time, he uses the acronym CLIP (Chronically Late Insane People, or crazy people with a chronic tendency to be late).

Of course, there are other reasons, but many create problems for themselves, for example, due to excessive attention to detail. For example, for some, the most difficult task they face is writing school reports. Latecomers have a hard time meeting deadlines and spend too much effort trying to make time for every detail. And the idea that the end result is achieved late is too depressing for them.

Some tend to avoid certain situations, for example, people with low self-esteem are more likely to be critical of their abilities and double-check their work several times. Low work capacity is often accompanied by depression.

Set the internal clock to the correct time?

The procrastinator focuses on the fear associated with an event or deadline that needs to be in time for something. And, instead of trying to figure out how to overcome this fear, he is looking for excuses. There is usually a "but" in an apology. For example, an explanation might be: “I wanted to meet the deadline, but didn't decide what to wear. I tried to write an article, but my colleagues criticized it, and I considered it not good enough. Whatever follows after, it is the “but” that matters.

Replace this "but" with "and". “But” implies resistance, a block, and the union “and”, in turn, suggests a solution to the problem. The task becomes not so difficult, and fear no longer seems to be a serious obstacle.
If you are tired of often waiting for slow friends, set boundaries and sequences of missed opportunities. Try to adapt to exactly what always made you late.

Perhaps it's all about the feeling of rush and excitement that a person involuntarily seeks to feel. And changing that feeling is the only way.

To manage your time more effectively, you need to realize that your reputation as a reliable person is very important. And development in this direction can become a priority goal. Old habits live long. The next time you find yourself making someone wait, try to understand your mindset and change just a little.

Again, there are friends and relatives who are tired of all this.
But there is hope for those who are kept waiting. You can explain what you don't want to put up with.

Instead of being annoyed or disappointed, take a stand and set some boundaries. Explain to the person what might follow if he continues like this. For example, tell a friend who is running late that you will go to the movies without him if he/she is ten minutes late. And tell a colleague who never delivers his part of the project on time that his work will not be accepted in the future.

- a technological means of dealing with lateness of workers. The time tracking function will automatically track who comes to work on time and who is constantly late. Unlike the same access control systems, it is almost impossible to deceive our system.

If it is accessible to explain to a person that they are no longer counting on him, this will work. Maybe this is how it will be possible to stir it up: to awaken responsibility and reveal the deep problems of procrastination and lateness.

Kickidler employee monitoring system

If you are late again and even criticized for it, do not worry too much. Turns out being late isn't such a bad thing. Experts have found that people who are often late have many positive traits. One of them is constant delays.

They tend to be optimistic and suffer less from stress.

You certainly know such a person. Perhaps this is your best friend who is simply unable to get anywhere on time, or perhaps you yourself. Anyway, we have good news for everyone who has problems with time management.

People who are late are less stressed, which is undoubtedly good for health, but they are also able to see the big picture and think outside the box. All these factors help latecomers achieve great success in their careers and prolong their lives.

Being late makes you an optimist

According to Diana De Lonzor, author of The Easy Way to Stop Being Late, “Many latecomers tend to be optimistic and unrealistic at the same time. This also applies to their perception of time: they really believe that they can go for a run, pick up clothes from the dry cleaners, buy groceries, and drive the kids to school in an hour.

They remember that one bright day 10 years ago when they actually did all those things in 60 minutes, and they forget about all the other times when those same things took much, much longer.”

A positive attitude increases your chances of success

Metropolitan Life Insurance conducted a survey involving salespeople. It found that "the 10 percent of the most optimistic consultants sold 88 percent more products than the 10 percent of their most pessimistic counterparts." They did better because their approach was better.

People who are constantly late are more enthusiastic

People who are disorganized or often late tend to be enthusiastic. According to the Enneagram Institute, enthusiasts' weaknesses are "excessiveness, distraction, and indiscipline," but their strengths include "extroversion, spontaneity, energy, and playfulness."

They really feel the passage of time in a different way.

Jeff Conte, an associate professor of psychology at the University of San Diego, came up with interesting results in his research. His team experimented with Type A (competitive, impatient) and Type B (relaxed, creative) personalities. Latecomers fell into category B.

The researchers asked participants in both groups to guess, exactly one minute later, how much time had passed. Members of group A, on average, answered that 58 seconds had passed, while people in group B thought that 77 seconds had passed. Obviously, these people literally feel that there is more time than it really is.

“So if you have an 18-second gap … over time, this difference will make itself felt,” Conte explained in an interview with The Wall Street Journal.

Multitasking people also perceive time more slowly

Jeff Conte also conducted an experiment involving 181 New York subway operators. His research showed that operators who frequently multi-tasked were late more often than their counterparts.

They often become completely immersed in what they are doing and forget about time.

Think about that friend of yours who is always late. Does he or she have a wide social circle and too many hobbies? According to Lifehack.org, people often become late because they are "absorbed into another exciting or extremely interesting activity" that seems to put them in the "other zone."

They don't make a scene because other people are late because they see the big picture.

Minute lateness doesn't bother Type B people (those who are relaxed and creative, from an experiment by Jeff Conte). In such cases, they think that if they are not bothered by the lateness of others, there is nothing wrong with them being a few minutes late themselves (which, perhaps, is not the case).

They are more spontaneous

Due to the laid-back nature of Type B, latecomers don't worry too much about flights, trains, or hotel reservations. They "simply throw things into a suitcase and go out, deciding where to eat and sleep along the way, because it's so much more interesting," writes Lifehack.org.

And they have more money problems

“People who are late but genuinely want to quit tend to want to be more mindful, but they live in the moment and find it difficult to save money for the future,” says Alfie Kohn, author of books on pedagogy, parenting and human behavior, in interview with the American journal Psychology Today.

Some people "can't force themselves to be on time," which means they may "have trouble making themselves behave in other areas, like saving money or avoiding junk food."

They like to break rules and achieve goals

Latecomers never follow instructions, act like everyone else, and don't fully trust Google Map calculations. This means they think outside the box, which makes them capable of solving problems in unusual - and often better - ways.

According to De Lonzor, there are two types of people: "deadliners" and "producers." Deadliners are "unconsciously drawn to the adrenaline that comes with running to the finish line," while "producers' self-esteem grows from being able to get as many things done in as short a time as possible."

They are less likely to become patients of cardiologists

A study published in the International Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology in 2003 found that type A people have a higher risk of developing coronary heart disease. The reason for this is the higher level of stress they face. People who worry less about getting things done on time are more likely to avoid stress-related illnesses.